The Top 10 Ways to Keep Passion in Your Relationship

All long-term relationships go through a variety of phases. There is the initial dating and courtship and infatuation period. If the relationship continues, it settles into a more stable time of building a history as a couple. If children enter the picture, that is a new phase. Later, there is another phase of being together as a mature couple with the wisdom of experience.


We all know that it is possible to keep passion, romance, excitement and sexual intensity alive through the years, but we also know that many relationships settle into a kind of friendly (or not so friendly) roommate situation. Every relationship has it's ups and downs, but there are tools that can keep passion perking right along. Here are 10 of them:

1. Be kind. I'm writing this on a cruise ship and it's fascinating to watch people grouch at their spouses, then turn around and share a friendly smile with a stranger. We tend to take family and best friends for granted. A smile, a wink, just a moment of kindness goes a long way.

2. Be attentive. Paying attention to the details of life is important. Pick up your own trash, and pick up for each other. Put things away, help each other with the small projects around the house. These things are the currency of love.

3. Be gracious. Small surprises can create huge rewards in a relationship. I think of it as the "Martha Stewart Effect". Taking a moment to put on a clean shirt before dinner, or using the good china, or cutting a flower from the garden and putting it on the table, are examples. All these things add color, spice, and graciousness to our lives.

4. Be patient. We all have bad days. It happens. When it happens to your spouse, be smart! Take the kids to the park for an hour, order Chinese take-out for dinner. Give him/her a break! This is the reality of life. Allow for it.

5. Be honest. Tell the truth about your feelings, and do it promptly and in a respectful, effective way. Share your disappointments and fears, but also share dreams, hopes, and gratitudes. Keeping secrets kills passion.

6. Be funny! Life seems to have supply its own stress and worry, but we have to provide the humor on our own. Share a joke, take time to tickle each other or rent a funny movie, and do it often. The couple that laughs together, often does other fun stuff together, too!

7. Be flexible. Over a lifetime, people change. Hopefully, your relationship will change and grow and mature with as you change. One of you will change careers, the other will change religions. One will have an illness, the other will make a mistake. Relationships either bend and flex with the winds of life, or they break.

8. Be generous. I've saved the best for last. After a survey of dozens of couples, the big 3 items that showed up over and over began with "give little gifts". Surprise each other with flowers, candy, a card, or other gift. Do it often. Do it for no particular reason. Do it because you love each other and thought it would be nice to show it with a gift.

9. Be available. The second of the "big 3" was "take time for each other". Schedule time to walk and talk, go for drives in the country, go to dinner and see a movie together. Dozens of couples ranked time together as the most critical component in keeping romance and passion alive.

10. Be physical. This is about sensuality perhaps more than sexuality. Couples talked about the importance of scents, of candles and flowers and walks on the beach. They talked about making love, but mostly they talked about back rubs and holding hands, and creating memories. They talked about getting dressed up and going out, and they talked about skinny-dipping. They talked about being playful and finding their own way. You can do this!

Someone has said, "Life is what happens while you were making other plans." Romance is about real life, not about dreams and fantasies of the perfect partner, someday on a Pacific island. Romance and passion are about taking time to enjoy the company of the person you love. Have fun. Do it today!


© Copyright 2003 by Philip E. Humbert. All Rights Reserved. This article may be copied and used in your own newsletter or on your website as long as you include the following information: "Written by Dr. Philip E. Humbert, writer, speaker and success coach. Dr. Humbert has over 300 free articles, tools and resources for your success, including a great newsletter! It's all on his website at: http://www.philiphumbert.com

10 Tips for Getting Your Work/Life in Balance

Here are 10 tips to help you achieve a better balance in your life. Take a moment to read and reflect on these tips -- and then get your life in balance!

Negotiate a Change with Your Current Employer. Progressive employers recognize the value of good employees, and many are willing to find ways to help current employees deal with short-term or permanent changes caused by family situations. The changes can include flextime, job-sharing, telecommuting, or part-time employment. Your first step is to research your employer's policies and methods of handling previous requests. Then go to your boss armed with information and a plan that shows how you will be an even more valuable and productive employee if you can modify your current work situation.

Find a New Career. Some careers are simply more stressful and time-consuming than others. If you need more time for yourself or your family, now may be the time to explore careers that are less stressful and more flexible.

Find a New Job. Rather than a career change, perhaps you simply need to take a less stressful job within your chosen career. This change may involve working with your current employer to identify a new position, it may involve a full job-search, or it may involve temping or becoming a consultant or starting a freelancing or other home-based business.

Slow Down. Life is simply too short, so don't let things pass you in a blur. Take steps to stop and enjoy the things and people around you. Schedule more time between meetings; don't make plans for every evening or weekend, and find some ways to distance yourself from the things that are causing you the most stress.

Learn to Better Manage Your Time. Avoid Procrastination. For many people, most of the stress they feel comes from simply being disorganized -- and procrastinating. Learn to set more realistic goals and deadlines -- and then stick to them. You'll find that not only are you less stressed, but your work will be better.

Share the Load. Even though we may sometimes feel we're the only ones capable of doing something, it's usually not the case. Get your partner or other family members to help you with all your personal/family responsibilities. Taking care of the household, children, or parents should not be the responsibility of just one person.

Let Things Go. (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.) It's simpler said than done, but learn to let things go once in a while. So what if the dishes don't washed everyday or that the house doesn't get vacuumed every week. Learn to recognize the things that don't really have much impact in your life and allow yourself to let them go -- and then not beat yourself up for doing so.

Explore Your Options. Get Help. If you are feeling overwhelmed with your family responsibilities, please get help if you can afford it. Find a sitter for your children, explore options for aging parents, and seek counseling for yourself. In many cases, you have options, but you need to take the time to find them.

Take Charge. Set Priorities. Sometimes it's easier for us to allow ourselves to feel overwhelmed rather than taking charge and developing a prioritized list of things that need to get done. You need to buck the trend. Develop a list. Set priorities. And then enjoy the satisfaction of crossing things off your list.

Simplify. It seems human nature for just about everyone to take on too many tasks and responsibilities, to try to do too much, and to own too much. Find a way to simplify your life. Change your lifestyle. Learn to say no to requests for help. Get rid of the clutter and baggage in your house -- and your life.

In the end, the key word is balance. You need to find the right balance that works for you. Celebrate your successes and don't dwell on your failures. Life is a process, and so is striving for balance in your life.


Dr. Randall S. Hansen is founder of Quintessential Careers, one of the oldest and most comprehensive career development sites on the Web, as well CEO of EmpoweringSites.com. He is also founder of MyCollegeSuccessStory.com and EnhanceMyVocabulary.com. He is publisher of Quintessential Careers Press, including the Quintessential Careers electronic newsletter, QuintZine. Dr. Hansen is also a published author, with several books, chapters in books, and hundreds of articles. He's often quoted in the media and conducts empowering workshops around the country. Finally, Dr. Hansen is also an educator, having taught at the college level for more than 15 years. Visit his personal Website or reach him by email at randall(at)quintcareers.com.

Beyond Dieting: Alternative Approaches to Weight Loss

Beyond Dieting: Alternative Approaches to Weight Loss.
How acupuncture, hypnosis, meditation, prayer, and other mind-body practices may
help you lose weight. (Not that you need to...)

By Shahreen Abedin


WebMD FeatureReviewed by Laura J. Martin, MDTo lose weight, some people look beyond diet and
exercise. Would methods like hypnosis, acupuncture, meditation, prayer, and traditional Eastern methods
help budge the pounds?
Perhaps. But if you want to ditch diet and exercise altogether, think again.

“The bottom line is to be more active and consume less calories,” says Elisabetta Politi, MPH, RD, LDN, CDE, nutrition director at the Duke Diet and Fitness Center in Durham, N.C. “There is no magic bullet for solving your weight loss problem."
So the basics will always be eating right and exercising.
But there is a "third part, the mind-body aspect, you need to make sure you're not missing out on," says Wendy Kohatsu, MD, an integrative medicine specialist and assistant clinical professor of family and clinical medicine at the University of California, San Francisco.
Most complementary approaches don't have much research showing how well they work for weight loss. Some are tricky to test by Western standards, and not enough studies have been done to determine effectiveness.
Here's what you need to know before you consider trying these methods.
Acupuncture...

Stress, depression and the holidays: 10 tips for coping

By Mayo Clinic staff

The holiday season, which begins for most Americans with Thanksgiving and continues through New Year's Day, often brings unwelcome guests — stress and depression. And it's no wonder. In an effort to pull off a perfect holiday, you might find yourself facing a dizzying array of demands — parties, shopping, baking, cleaning and entertaining, to name a few. So much for peace and joy, right?

Actually, with some practical tips, you can minimize the stress and depression that often accompany the holidays. You may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would.

Recognize holiday triggers

Learn to recognize common holiday triggers, so you can disarm them before they lead to a meltdown:

• Relationships. Relationships can cause turmoil, conflict or stress at any time, but tensions are often heightened during the holidays. Family misunderstandings and conflicts can intensify — especially if you're thrust together for several days. On the other hand, facing the holidays without a loved one can be tough and leave you feeling lonely and sad.
• Finances. With the added expenses of gifts, travel, food and entertainment, the holidays can put a strain on your budget — and your peace of mind. Not to mention that overspending now can mean financial worries for months to come.
• Physical demands. Even die-hard holiday enthusiasts may find that the extra shopping and socializing can leave them wiped out. Being exhausted increases your stress, creating a vicious cycle. Exercise and sleep — good antidotes for stress and fatigue — may take a back seat to chores and errands. To top it off, burning the wick at both ends makes you more susceptible to colds and other unwelcome guests.

• Tips to prevent holiday stress and depression

  When stress is at its peak, it's hard to stop and regroup. Try to prevent stress and depression in the first place, especially if the holidays have taken an emotional toll on you in the past.
  1. Acknowledge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can't be with loved ones, realize that it's normal to feel sadness and grief. It's OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season.
  2. Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and companionship. Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships.
  3. Be realistic. The holidays don't have to be perfect or just like last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children can't come to your house, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videotapes.
  4. Set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they're feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression too.
  5. Stick to a budget. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don't try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts. Try these alternatives: Donate to a charity in someone's name, give homemade gifts or start a family gift exchange.
  6. Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and then make your shopping list. That'll help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients. And make sure to line up help for party prep and cleanup.
  7. Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can't participate in every project or activity. If it's not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time.
  8. Don't abandon healthy habits. Don't let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt. Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don't go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks. Continue to get plenty of sleep and physical activity.
  9. Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Take a walk at night and stargaze. Listen to soothing music. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm.
  10. Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

  Take control of the holidays

  Don't let the holidays become something you dread. Instead, take steps to prevent the stress and depression that can descend during the holidays. With a little planning and some positive thinking, you may find that you enjoy the holidays this year more than you thought you could.

“Lose the One-Date Blues”

We’ve all been there. You go on a date and it turns out spectacular. The mood is set, the connection is there…Nicholas Sparks couldn’t have written a more touching love story. But then…nothing! Mr. Would-Be Perfect doesn’t call you again, that creep! What gives? Before you drive yourself crazy with second-guesses, take a chemistry lesson with the Dating Coach.

Romance goddess Ronnie Ann Ryan, knows a thing or two about chemistry. Join her in our Dating with Ronnie section as she answers the age old question: “Why wasn’t there a second date?”